the inquisitive one

The inquisitive one was talking to an insurance customer service representative on the phone. At the end of the call, the rep asked the i.o. to take a short survey regarding the service received today.

“Sure, I’ll take a survey” said the inquisitive one. “Surveys are fun!”

The inquisitive one listened to an automated voice give the survey. The i.o. pressed the buttons corresponding to the answers and, when the survey was complete, hung up with a smile.

“That was fun!” said the inquisitive one to the wise ant.

The wise ant rolled the eyes and snuck into a crack in the wall.

Next, the i.o. went to the library’s website to find out which held books were available. When the i.o. attempted to leave the site, a pop-up box requested that the user take a survey regarding the experiences on the site.

“Well, one survey in a day seems like quite enough, but I suppose I will be a good citizen and do them this favor,” said the inquisitive one.

And the inquisitive one took the survey.

Next, the i.o. noticed that there was an email in the inbox requesting that the i.o. rate a pair of shoes just purchased.

“Well,” said the i.o., “I’m starting to get exhausted with all this rating, but I guess other people might want to know about this product, so . . .”

The inquisitive one filled out the rating request, including writing a description of how things were going with the shoes.

Next, the inquisitive one noticed yet another email asking the i.o. to take a survey for a chance to win a $500 gift card to an electronics store.

“Think of what I could purchase with $500!” said the i.o.

And the i.o. took the survey—but this time, the i.o. answered the questions all wrong, zipping through them, choosing random answers, and soon getting to the place where it was possible to register for the contest.

“Whew!” said the inquisitive one. “What a day!”

Feeling emotionally worn out, the i.o. decided to go on a short run to clear the mind. At the end of the run, feeling much better, the i.o. checked the mailbox. Inside was a stack of mail.

The i.o. went into the house and sorted through the stack. Opening a thick letter, the i.o. realized it was a paper survey for rating the i.o.’s primary care doctor.

“Oh no, not another survey!” cried the inquisitive one.

“You know,” said the wise ant, emerging from another crack in the wall, “you don’t have to take those.”

“You’re right!” said the i.o., tossing the survey into the recycling bin. “Now I’m done with that!”

But the i.o. was not done with that. Over the ensuing weeks, the inquisitive one received more and more paper surveys about the doctor’s office, each enclosed with increasingly hot-languaged letters urging the i.o. to take the survey.

The i.o. dumped all this into the recycling bin.

Finally, one day, the i.o. heard a knock on the door.

“Hello,” said the young person at the door. “I’m here as a courtesy call to make sure you took the survey. Here it is; take it now!!

And the young person shoved the doctor’s office survey in the i.o.’s face.

“I’m tired of surveys!” the inquisitive one yelled, tore up the papers, and slammed the door in the young person’s face.

Angry and upset, the inquisitive one dialed the number of the doctor’s office.

Upon pressing 1600 buttons, the i.o. finally reached a live receptionist.

“I need to schedule an appointment with the doctor!” the i.o. yelled.

“What is the reason for the appointment?” said the receptionist in a curt voice.

“I’m experiencing extreme modernity fatigue, and I need help with that!”

“Sure, we can help with that. Let me check available appointment times. At the end of this call, would you be willing to take a short survey?”