The protagonist of Play It As It Lays, by Joan Didion, is lying on the beach, surrounded by friends—though friends is perhaps too strong of a word—when her husband walks away. She sits up and looks around, and then this happens:
“It occurred to [her] that whatever arrangements were made, they worked less well for women.”
In contrast to the party atmosphere around her, she is merely, introvertedly, noticing the bodies nearby: the female versions of which seem to be aging, and the male versions of which seem to be locked in a timeless vitality. She thinks about her small daughter. She thinks about pregnancy. As an actor, her career is dependent on her looks. And, of course, the Hollywood circles of which she is a (reluctant) member are deeply attuned to physical appearance.
In another chapter, a male friend (or not-friend; is there a synonym for friend that doesn’t imply actual friendship?) invites her on a short trip, along with some other friends (not-friends?).
She says, “I don’t want to do that.”
He says, “Yes you do.”
The chapter ends there; the reader gets the impression that this type of interaction is not uncommon in her life.
I don’t want to oversimplify the complicated life that Didion depicts. Much of the protagonist’s woe seems due to personality flaws and past traumas that are non-gender-specific. And yet, something pertaining to gender is going on here, and this becomes clearer, the further into the book one progresses.
In your life’s experience, have arrangements worked less well for women?
This raises the question of “how much of what do we do is to please others?” To be true to oneself, that is, the female self, one must take on the mantel of selfishness, bitchiness, and any other negative label pinned on women who do not conform expected behaviors.
I think it’s interesting that this blog coincides with the appointment of a womanizing, liar to the supreme court when so many women in this society are feeling disenfranchised and are trying to be silenced. Maybe we need to do what Kristin Neff said in one of her blogs. That is to be ‘fiercely compassionate’ rather than just being.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply! I agree, being a modern female can be tricky . . . . but I retain hope that there are ways of being that are good, strong, and considerate to both self and others . . .
This seems to be indeed a pertinent and timely review of Joan Didion’s Play It As It Lays, considering what is going on now with the newly confirmed Supreme Court judge who has practically every woman who’s been sexually abused reeling. Also, no matter how much women have progressed in this country, there is still that aged-old double-standard when it comes to attractiveness, self-expression, and so on.
At any rate, reading this article reminds me that I must check out more of Didion’s work, beginning with this one! Thanks for sharing.
I plan to read more of Didion, too. ๐ Thanks for the insightful comment.
I had similar thoughts as to what Jean and Kevin wrote about above. One time I was bored at work with little to do and decided to leave early and belly up to a bar and take in a few cold ones. I wanted to be alone, but in a crowd. When that happens, I usually find myself in a conversation with a stranger and I enjoy my time. One of these occasions A women came into the bar by herself, sat down and ordered her drink. I could not help to see this was uncommon. Women don’t do this on a regular basis, they are normally accompanied either by friend(s) or another man. I wanted to go sit by her and talk to her. Not because I wished to hit on her, but I wanted to know her as I thought she was brave. Why did I think that? But I didn’t approach her and tried to not make eye contact with her as I didn’t want to intimidate her or come off as suggestive. I instead sat and chatted freely with an elderly gentleman and enjoyed the conversation.
What an interesting story! Thanks for sharing. ๐