It’s always interesting when you read something that corresponds so germanely to something that is happening in real life. I was recently talking to a wise friend of mine, who pointed out that every family has issues—even, or especially, the ones that seem perfect. No one should feel that their family is exceptionally messed up in comparison with other families, my friend said, because we all struggle. We may struggle in very different ways, but we all struggle.
Not long after having this conversation, I read this passage in the book Almost Everything by Anne Lamott:
“Almost everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, scared, and yet designed for joy. Even (or especially) people who seem to have it more or less together are more like the rest of us than you would believe.”
All of this reminds me of Tolstoy’s maxim about happy and unhappy families. It’s true that, sometimes, everything falls into place and life rides along nicely. But this is very rare. It’s counterproductive, not to mention false, to assume that you are the exception if you or your family is going through a tough time. In reality, the exception that proves the rule is those few people and families who are right now, somehow, miraculously, doing well in every way.
In every way? That’s a heck of a lot of ways! Perfectionism highlights weaknesses while downplaying strengths, no matter how many strengths there are. So instead of counting up failings, let’s count up successes. Let’s count up the things we are doing well with right now—surely there are many, many things!—and be glad about those. If you need to wait for perfection in order to be happy . . . well, that could be a long, long wait.
Plus, you’ll have lots of company, here in the imperfection ring.
What are you and your family joyful about today?
I agree. Our brains are so complex that it manifest our thoughts to where we think of ourselves as messed up and broken. It is just the entropy of life in action. I could argue that life is is just a timeline of events until we die and nothing more. That would leave one person no more messed up than the other. Our brains bother us with these problems because that is just what it does and who we are.
I baked amazing cookies with my amazing granddaughter, while we watched cardinals feeding at our bird feeder as the snow was falling. Living in the moment!
Exactly what I needed to read today, Liza! Comes back to gratitude, being thankful for what I have…left.
Coffee, sunshine, funny little dogs, and happy grandchildren.