The inquisitive one was sitting on the couch, reading a library book. It was a young adult book. Young adult books are fun to read sometimes, even when you’re an adult.

The wise ant happened to be marching over the hardwood floor nearby, toting a crumb.

At that point, the wise ant couldn’t help but notice that the inquisitive one’s eyes were bugging out of the head.

As the i.o. kept reading, the eyes kept protruding further and further, until the inquisitive one started to resemble the wise ant’s friend, the wise fruit fly.

“Whatcha reading?” said the wise ant.

“This—this—this is absolutely egregious!” sputtered the i.o.

“What is?” sighed the wise ant, setting down the crumb on a hardwood floor panel and wiping the forelegs together.

“I’m going to take action on this! This is a young adult book! Our nation’s children should not be reading this trash! What is this world coming to?!”

The wise fruit fly happened to travel on a gust of air into the room at that moment. Upon noticing the i.o.’s eyes and feeling a kinship, the wise fruit fly said, “Whatcha reading?”

Ignoring the wise friends, the inquisitive one marched over to the phone, which the i.o. always kept far across the room while reading a book.

For the next six months, the i.o. dedicated all the waking hours to ensuring that no book, especially not a book for children, can mention swimming as an activity people engage in, when, clearly, running is the best and only respectable sport!!!!

“Plus, as we all know, God loves runners the best!!!!” the i.o. shouted many times at the phone, meanwhile neglecting all the previously planned road races and trail runs, because the i.o. was so busy with this very important project.

Finally, after sending 898 emails, launching 245 websites, garnering 12 or 13 signatures (depending on whether you count the smudge on the bottom of the paper from a falling walnut), buying 44,358 ads, and making 11,089 phone calls, the inquisitive one succeeded in banning the book from 463 public and school libraries.

Pleased that the children of this part of America, at least, were protected from that evil water sport, the i.o. ordered a throne from Amazon.

And the inquisitive one, now totally out of shape, put on the running clothes, which were way too tight, started the stopwatch, put on some upbeat headphones, and perched, one leg crossed over the other, one hand curled over each chair arm, proud and content, on the shining golden chair on the hardwood floor.

The wise ant and wise fruit fly, meanwhile, had a friendly dinner together inside the wall.

The inquisitive one says: “Don’t forget to vote!”
Liza says: “Don’t listen to the i.o. But also, don’t forget to vote!”