Oh boy, oh boy, get yourself ready. It’s that time of year, folks. Christmas lights hanging like icicles! Children making snowgentlemen and snowladies! And the shimmering, frosty release of the bitter, angry, pissy, woebegotten, godforsaken annual Christmas rant!!!!

I bet you didn’t even know there was ANY such THING as an annual Christmas rant. Well, that’s because I just now made it up. And it’s NOW an INSTITUTION, Santa BABY.

And I bet you didn’t even know HOW I got the IDEA to have an annual Christmas rant. Well, that’s because I never told anybody. Just kept it to myself. Secret Santa, BABY. And hurry down the chimney tonight. Because nobody wants an unwrapped gift. That ain’t cool. Gotta keep such things under wraps. And wrapping paper. And it better have some f*cking candy canes on it or reindeer or some sh*t.

Well, I’m unwrapping it now. Because today’s the day, and now the jingle HOP has begun (memo to the 1950s: wrong holiday for rabbits, duh), and jingle bell time is a SWELL time (memo to the 1950s: you’re peachy keen!) for our 2nd Annual Christmas Rant, MX. CLAUS, so hurry down the chimney THIS DAMN SECOND so I can tell you how I got this brilliant idea!!!!!!!!!

See, I was taking a look-see at the ole stats for this ole website. And, what do I see? When I take an ole look-see? At the ole stats? is ranking highly, per usual. (People! C’mon!)

Also ranking highly? Last year’s Christmas rant!!!!!!!!

Now, I’m not gonna judge. You wanna search the Internet for “nude”? Go ahead. See what you can find. It’s not that exciting, here on this site, believe you me.

You wanna search the Internet for “Christmas rant”? Go ahead. No judgment here. Search away, my friend. See what you can find. It may well start to get exciting, in that department, right here on this scandalous, wrathful, rancorous, gloomy, one horse sleigh ride of a website!!!!!!!

Because my job is to give the people what they want. People want Christmas rants? I gots Christmas rants. I got rants up the pants. I got London, I got France. Doin’ the dantce of this annual Christmas Rants.

All I want for Christmas is you . . . to listen to me rant, for like three hours straight!!!!!!!!

Baby, it’s cold outside . . . and also in my Grinch-sized heart!!!!!!!!

So, without further ah-doo-doo, let’s get this here rant going. Sooooooo, where do I begin?

Um, 2020.

‘Nough said. Rant over. I mean, do I really need to spell it all out? I think not. Happy holidays, everyone, and here’s to the New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!