the inquisitive one

A wise ant was living in the inquisitive one’s house. (The wise ant was living there full time, now that it was winter.)

“Interesting about all those people storming the U.S. Capitol building,” remarked the wise ant.

The inquisitive one was just waking up from a weeklong fest of alternately sleeping and listening to a podcast about how to care for a butterfly farm within your own house.

“Did you know that I’m not the only one who has a butterfly farm within their own house?” replied the inquisitive one.

“At least butterflies don’t storm Capitol buildings,” said the wise ant.

“What did you say before?” said the inquisitive one.

“I said, interesting about all those people storming the U.S. Capitol building.”

“Whaaaat???? People are storming the U.S. Caaaapitol building????”


It was then that the inquisitive one experienced a severe attack of FOMO. It was the most severe attack of FOMO that the i.o. had ever experienced! The i.o. just had to join in on the action. It wasn’t a matter of voyeurism, boredom, or politics. It was pure fear about what unknown, but surely glorious, thing might not happen if the i.o. didn’t go and participate.

The i.o. ran to the nearest window, drew open the curtains, and peered out. There, in the distance, the inquisitive one saw the U.S. Capitol building!

(The i.o. could see it, I mean, in the same way that Sarah Palin can see Russia from her house.)

The inquisitive one stripped half-naked, dug out and donned a crazy hat previously worn to a Halloween costume party, applied some fake tattoos, also left over from the same Halloween costume party, and strapped on some running shoes.

“Wait. I need a flag,” said the i.o. “I have a broomstick. But what can I wave on it?”

Suddenly, the i.o. remembered that the previous owners of the house had, for some reason, left a Disney-themed blanket in the basement. On it was Snow White, or Cinderella, or the Little Mermaid, or Cruella De Vil, or someone like that. So the i.o. scampered down to the basement, attached the blanket to the broomstick, securely with string and a glue gun, and started running down the path that led directly to Washington, DC!

The Capitol Building

Frozen as that one Disney movie, the inquisitive one finally arrived at the U.S. Capitol building!

“Brrrrr!!!” said the i.o., waving the flag, while half-naked, and still wearing the hat and displaying the tattoos.

“Where is everybody? I thought a bunch of people would be here! Oh, they must be inside already.”

A large fence was surrounding the building, for some unknown reason.

The inquisitive one started bellowing out, all alone, “Weeeeee / Are the champ-yuns / My freh-ends!!!!” while attempting to climb up the fence, and simultaneously wave the flag, and point the tattoos at where any cameras might be able to capture their badassery, without letting the crazy hat fall off the head.

But just as the i.o. reached the top of the fence,

“STOP! OR WE’LL SHOOT!” someone shouted, in a voice that seemed way too serious for the occasion.

The inquisitive one’s flag had gotten wrapped around the face, and the i.o. could not see a thing, least of all the person shouting such a rude command, and even lesser than that, the fence. That was when the i.o. toppled over the top of the fence, to the inside, doing an accidental flip, and landing hard on the butt.

“Errrgh,” moaned the i.o., trying to find a way out of the blanket, and finally succeeding . . . only to notice about 60 armed security forces, surrounding and starting to manhandle the poor inquisitive one.

“I’m here for the party?” the i.o. explained in a whimper . . .

Behind Bars

The inquisitive one was permitted one phone call. The i.o. called home, looking for wisdom—badly needed wisdom!—very badly needed wisdom, at a time like this.

The wise ant didn’t pick up.