the inquisitive one

The inquisitive one was bored.

The inquisitive one was really, really bored.

I’m talking about hit-your-head-against-a-board bored.

“It’s time to start dating again!” said the inquisitive one, in a sudden brain flash. “That should spice things up a bit!”

So the i.o. charged up a phone that was lying around and got to work.

Where do you work?

I’M BETWEEN JOBS. THE TWO JOBS ARE ACTUALLY CRUSHING ME BETWEEN THEM. BY ‘JOBS’ I MEAN JOB ATTIRE. AND I’M CLAUSTROPHOBIC.

Describe your ideal date.

WELL, I CAN’T REALLY GO ANYWHERE. I’M SORT OF WANTED BY THE FBI. OOPS, I MEANT TO SAY, COVID, YOU KNOW, IT’S NOT SAFE TO GO OUT. UNLESS YOU CAME HERE TO VISIT ME. THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERABLY SAFER. DO YOU FEEL ME?

What are your favorite hobbies and activities?

1. REARRANGING THE CLOTHES IN LIZA’S CLOSET.
2. REARRANGING THE OTHER STUFF IN LIZA’S CLOSET.
3. SCREAMING IN THE DARK OF LIZA’S CLOSET, SINCE I’M CLAUSTROPHOBIC. BUT IT’S NOT SAFE TO LEAVE, DO YOU FEEL ME?

What are you looking for in a relationship?

PLEASE DO NOT FEEL ME. I MEAN, NOT ON THE FIRST DATE. AFTER THAT MIGHT BE OKAY. BUT IN A GENERAL SENSE, I’M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN TAKE ME OUT OF THE COUNTRY, SAFELY, SO THE FBI DOESN’T DISCOVER US. I MEANT TO SAY, COVID, YO. SAFETY FIRST.

What are some of your favorite movies and books?

1. THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION
2. THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO

Have you ever been to Machu Picchu?

YEAH, I RAN THERE A FEW TIMES, IN MY PRE-STORMING THE CAPITOL DAYS.

Upload a photo of you at Machu Picchu, to prove it.

(The inquisitive one was using a phone belonging to Liza and was unable to prove this with photo documentation. Instead, the inquisitive one uploaded a photo of a cicada. Satisfied, the i.o. clicked SAVE and waited to be matched with a new love interest and possible fellow accomplice!)

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