Someone is impersonating me! Scam Alert! Some unethical person has been presenting themselves as me and inviting authors to be featured by Silent Book Club of Rockville in exchange for a fee of $258. This person is not me, but rather, an evil imposter!
I am indeed the organizer of Silent Book Club of Rockville, but we do not feature authors. We don’t charge fees to authors for any reason. The only time my chapter asks people for money is around the beginning of the year, for an optional $5/year donation to help cover Meetup fees. The international Silent Book Club organization sometimes partners with businesses and publishers to feature books, but they do not work directly with authors.
The official Silent Book Club email address ends with @silentbook.club, so if you receive communication from another email it is not them. My email address does not mention Silent Book Club. If you are the recipient of an email impersonating me or another Silent Book Club organizer, please visit this web page for instructions on how to report it.
You are welcome to give me $258, but in return you and your book will not be featured. Instead, you will get bonus articles on Wednesdays and Fridays, postcards from the inquisitive one, plus an inspirational sticker that looks like this:
If you give my evil imposter $258, you and your book will still not be featured. Instead, you will get nothing, plus a sinking feeling in your belly and a few nights of lost sleep. Then one morning, you will wake up bright and early and vow to never again let the bastards get you down. You will become distinctly stronger as a result of the adversity you have suffered, and you will reflect that perhaps—just perhaps!—the $258 was well spent, after all.
And now, without further ado, here’s a tale featuring the inquisitive one.
Brrrrrrrrring!!
“Greetings, inquisitive one here!”
“Hey!” I said. “I’ve been trying to reach you for days! Where’ve you been?”
“Oh, here and there. I went to Starbucks and got attacked by lanternflies.”
“Oh no, what happened?!”
“It was a kamikaze mission or something. They kept flying onto my legs, and when I recrossed my legs, I would accidentally kill them. Blood all over the place. Then they were divebombing into my hair. It was impossible to finish writing postcards to your friends. They kept landing on my hands as I was writing, and some got smashed on the paper. I had to give up and go inside!”
“Ugh! I’m so sorry to hear that!”
“It got so bad, Starbucks announced they were permanently closing the store!”
“That wasn’t the fault of the kamikaze lanternflies! That was the fault of the kamikaze DC economy!”
“Well, if it were me, I wouldn’t just close it down, I’d burn the place to the ground. Not that I don’t love all adorable creatures! Don’t get me wrong. It was just a bit much, you know?”
“I do know. Invasive species, ugh!”
“Hey! Don’t insult me. I’m pretty sure I’m invasive myself.”
“Err, yeah. Well, hey, me, too. By the way, have you heard that more than a dozen Starbucks locations in the DC area are closing?”
“Because of the lanternfly invasion?”
“No, it’s the economy, stupid. And 6 locations in Baltimore!”
“You’re only bringing up Baltimore because you have a thing for a guy who lives up there—I know you!”
“Hey shut up! I’m interested in Baltimore on its own merits! Some of my best friends live in Baltimore!”
“Now you’re blushing, haha!!”
“Whatever, you can’t even see me. We’re talking on the phone, remember?!”
“Your cheeks are as red as a lanternfly right now!!”
“Speaking of aggravating plagues upon society—would you like to become a Patron to support my blog? I’m having a fundraising drive! To meet my goal, I need 18 more subscribers at the $4-$8 level by October 31. If you subscribe, you can get bonus articles that will give you an inside scoop on the literary world! Plus, you get a free inspirational stick—”
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!” the i.o. yelled. “I send postcards to your Patrons every month, bathing myself in lanternfly blood to get it done, for free, mind you, and now you’re asking me for money?? I’m supposed to give YOU money just so that I can do work? Are you ins—”
“Hey calm down! You’re a mythopoetic being! You can make things happen, just like that!” I snapped my fingers.
“Well, that’s true,” said the i.o.
“You can turn yourself into a billionaire just by imagining it!”
The inquisitive one snapped the fingers, and suddenly was wearing an outfit from the latest Versace collection and standing on the upper balcony of a sprawling mansion, leisurely signing a document signifying the purchase of Twitter/X and the federal government. “Well, that’s true,” said the i.o. in a South African accent.
“So, what’s the problem with sending me a mere $4-$8 per month?”
“All right, I can do that,” the i.o. said, donning a torn Nike baseball cap as an accent to the Versace outfit.
“Great! Wonderful!”
“Just be aware that it will be imaginary, mythopoetic money.”
“Okay. Do you think Pepco takes that kind of money?”
“Sure, if you want imaginary, mythopoetic electricity at your house.”
“Hm. I’m not sure my tenants would be down with that.”
“Then leave me alone!” said the i.o., snapping the fingers and instantly again wearing the i.o.’s habitual running outfit. “I gotta run, catch you later!”
“Wait! Can you at least tell everyone you know about my fundraiser? I mean, people who have actual money?”
“Let me get this straight. You’re having a fundraiser, in the DC area, during a federal government shutdown? Are you sure you’re in your right mind?”
“I announced my fundraiser first, before the government shut down!”
“You’re having a fundraiser, when not even Starbucks can stay in business?”
“I announced my fundraiser first, before Starbucks announced its store closures!”
“Starbucks is a bellwether for the economy, isn’t that obvious? If people can’t afford to buy luxury $4-$8 coffees, they certainly can’t afford to buy luxury $4-$8 articles about the literary world!”
“You stole that ‘Starbucks is a bellwether’ idea from that guy in Baltimore! He’s the one who said that to me recently!”
“So now you’re trying to pass off your intellectual thefts onto me? I think we’re done here.”
“Wait! I need your opinion on something. Do you think lanternflies are actually adorable and beautiful and unfairly maligned?
“Only to the extent that I think fundraising bloggers are adorable and beautiful and unfairly maligned.”
“What’s that supposed to—?”
Click.
Oh no, that phone call was a disaster! Since the i.o. can’t and/or won’t help support this blog, can and will you? Will you become a Patron and be my hero(ine) and help me meet my goal of gaining 18 new subscribers by October 31? Learn more about Patreon & join
Alternatively, will you give a one-time donation at GoFundMe? Learn more about GoFundMe & donate
A million thanks to YOU for your support of this blog!
You’re amazing!
Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it!