I had an epiphany a few weeks ago. It was one of those epiphanies rooted in ugliness and despair. I had made some bad decisions and landed myself in misery for several days.
From this came the understanding that I can prevent a similar situation in the future by implementing better rules for myself and boundaries with others.
I started writing down a list of rules and boundaries, along with goals, at the beginning of my 2024 planner. I called them New Year’s resolutions. Once I wrote down a resolution, I implemented it right away. I didn’t want to wait until January 1, because I didn’t want to precipitate another ugly incident.
And do you know what? I have been feeling so much better. It’s interesting the way implementing rules and boundaries—which at first can feel frightening, arduous for yourself, rude to others, or simply impossible—turns out to be just what is needed to make one happier and improve one’s relations with others.
I ended up writing 16 resolutions total. Does that seem like a lot? Yeah, I went all Ben Franklin with it, getting into the double digits! (Here’s an excerpt from his autobiography with his famous list of 13 virtues.)
I don’t think 16 resolutions is too many. I need as many as I need. And many of the resolutions are more like reminders for healthy daily living.
When writing my resolutions, I tried to be as specific and concrete as possible. If I could attach a number to a resolution, I did so. However, a few weren’t amenable to that, and that’s OK, too. For example, I didn’t set a strict limit on how much time I wish to spend on social media. Some weeks it might be more and some weeks less. As long as I keep reminding myself that there is a limit, however vague the limit is, I can mindfully refrain from engaging in what feels like too much. Furthermore, if this vague plan doesn’t work, I can add a strict clarification (for example, a maximum of 15 minutes per day) at any time.
Here’s a breakdown of my 2024 New Year’s resolutions:
Reading & Writing
Three resolutions on book reading (my usual goal of 50 per year, plus preventing phone distraction) and working on my novel.
Physical Exercise
Three resolutions on running (distance and speed) and other physical conditioning.
Mental Health
Four resolutions on meditation, Judson Brewer’s three-step process on reversing bad feelings, introversion, and social media use.
Diet
Four resolutions on portion size, animal products, sugar, and alcohol.
Meta-Resolutions
Two resolutions on accepting imperfection and regularly reading my resolutions.
What are your goals and plans for 2024?
