You want to support my writing endeavors by reading my book. But there’s a leeetle problem. Or 2. Or 10. Here are the top 10 reasons NOT to read Two Novembers: A Memoir of Love ’n’ Sex in Sonnets!
10. Your copy of Two Novembers was stolen by a suspected criminal.
A bizarre series of events led to your copy of Two Novembers falling into the possession of someone fleeing the law. (This really happened! Read the true story here.)
9. Your mommy just told you to brush your teeth and get your pajamas on.
And she just started counting backwards from 10!
8. You hate poetry.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and you—
Dug in your heels and refused to budge.
7. You ordered 1,000 copies of Two Novembers from Amazon.
You are now the proud owner of 1,000 copies of Talking to Valum Votan by Iván Argüelles. (Read about Amazon’s wacky mixup here. Amazon is now shipping Two Novembers correctly!)
Patreon is the place to get secret, behind-the-scenes news about my author life. This week for Patrons at the Really Big Fan tier and up: How is political canvassing like writing and publishing? Join Patreon today!
6. Two Novembers was selected for DCTRENDING’s Summer Booklist 2024.
You’re, like, so over all these booklists. Why can’t we just read what we want? Freedom, people! This is America!!
5. Two Novembers sold out of its first print run before the publication date.
You tried to buy it once. If at first you don’t succeed, your life is too hectic to try anything again! If it ain’t easy and doesn’t involve sex, you’re out! Wait—what was that you said?
4. You were raised Catholic.
Every time you hear the word “shag,” you start blushing uncontrollably, get unbearably hot, and jump into the nearest body of water fully clothed.
3. A blurb on the back of the book says, “Achilles . . . vigorously ruptures the androcentric hegemony.”
You not-so-secretly fancy hegemony, especially of the androcentric sort. Plus, you heard that Liza is one of those childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives. What a sociopath!!
2. You are William Shakespeare.
It’s hard to read while you’re rolling over in your grave.
1. You are Liza’s former physical therapist.
You already know what happened. Talk about spoiler alert! Booor-ing.
And there you have it, folks. Why haven’t YOU read Two Novembers? Share your answer in the comments!
